Do Over

More scooter news. Well, not so new.

Dropped the scooter off at the shop last night to let them replace the speedometer. Not sure how long it'll take, but considering it's balls cold here today, I'm in no hurry to pick it up tonight.

Apparently there's a new manager on the scene, who has decades of experience in the used car business. I'm assuming that somewhere in those decades he'll have experienced the process of exchanging a vehicle, and the best way to approach it with the MTO. I hope so. To be this close to a resolution is a bit frustrating.

I've looked a bit more at the new scooters they're offering, and while they're not exactly my style, they're pretty snazzy. Frankly, any scooter called the "Grand Dink" is ok by me. Apparently I'm quite immature.

If you've ever thought about a trip to Disneyworld

They've just offered discounted packages for the first time this year - it's been a bit of a dry spell thanks to their new "Magic Your Way" ticketing system introduced in January. (Although they were offering Free Dining packages earlier this hurricane season!)
Unfortunately, there were no discounts available for our dates/resort, but there are a few deals to be had out there. You wanna check your dates? Go here.

How do I know this? I'm a huge nerd, that's how. A huge nerd who goes here and here and booked her family's vacation through here.

Anyway, if you're planning a trip, talk to me. I've even got a super secret unadvertised toll-free number for Disney's Central Reservations Office.

Nerd.

Just keep pulling the threads.

Eventually the whole thing will unravel...

Statement of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, following his indictment.
___
"I have notified the speaker that I will temporarily step aside from my position as majority leader pursuant to rules of the House Republican Conference and the actions of the Travis County district attorney today." — House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas.

Now, I don't mean to be a Gloaty-Gloatington, but it's about time the "Hammer" got his comeuppance.

Deadline day

The continuing stooooory of a gal who just wants it to be over...

Today's the day I said I'd stop by and grab the paperwork I need from the shop, so that I can go to the MTO and get my ownership finalized. My sincere hope is that they'll have everything ready to go. Tomorrow looks like rain, so today would also be a good day to drop the scooter off so they can switch out the speedo/odometer or fix the one that's already there, and get a rack installed.

My insurance broker keeps calling saying she needs a copy of my ownership, because Jevco won't cover me without it - the VIN I gave them doesn't make sense, so they need to see proof. That makes me nervous. I can't stall them forever, and it's really imporant to me to stay in good standing with them.

The Neutrino rehearsal went well last night. The reporter from The Toronto Star came and asked to watch the process, so he became "embedded" with our (myself, Rob Baker, and Jan Caruana) camera crew. We ran out into the streets, and started shooting with the reporter in tow, making notes. When our first tape was ready, he ran back to the booth with our runner, and we kept going. Eventually, he came back, watched us film our last segment, and then saw how we stitched together the final scene. It was a really cool approach to writing the story, I thought. I'm looking forward to seeing what he writes.

When I showed up at the rehearsal last night, David (Ivkovic) saw my helmet and said "Can we go see it!?" I turned on my heel, and the whole cast and crew came outside to see the scooter. Oohs and aaahs and lots of "congratulations". David's been especially interested in the outcome, because he's dealt with the shop before for Wakestock.
There's a story in there somewhere, but it's not mine to tell. Suffice to say, funny how paths cross.

We wuz on the TV

Last Thursday, Slap Happy did a fundraising show for victims of Katrina. I guess the press release that Dave wrote got some attention, or it was a slow entertainment news day, because a camera crew from SunTV's "Inside Jam" (sounds like a basketball show to me) came and shot an interview with us.
Dave is particulary good at witty interviews, I've discovered. Perhaps I'll hire him to be my media wrangler for my short play next month. Ahem. Cough.

They talked to us about why we were doing the show, and then asked us to hack on a few celebrities, since their show feeds on that stuff. We were very glad to oblige, I took an easy swing at Kate Moss.

The result was a pretty good little segment, I thought.

Next up in my effort to conquer the media? The Star is apparently interviewing the Neutrino Project gang tonight. Our official opening is this Sunday, and I think after the technical oopsies at our choppy "soft" opening, we're all a little anxious. No one's fault, really. Some tapes just didn't want to play. There's also a story about the project here.

And finally, the obligatory scooter mention. Joy. Joy, joy, joy. I rode to work this morning for the first time. Such a great ride, it's hard to be bummed about coming to work when the trip in is such fun, on such a great scooter. For the first time, I felt ok about turning left into a lane that had traffic in it, knowing that all I had to do was accelerate a bit, and I wouldn't be "in the way". I can keep up with (and PASS) traffic now. Oh, this is a good scooter. Guess who's work I'd recommend, without question? Yup.

Good stuff.

Word is getting out

People have asked me on a daily basis about the whole scooter situation, all summer long.
And all summer long, I've said "it's coming" like some little broken home kid, waiting for their dad to show up and take them camping for the weekend. Got a lot of "Aw, poor deluded thing", looks.

But I had faith.

Admittedly, that faith wavered on occasion. But it never went away completely. Which is why when people started railing about getting a lawyer, and calling Silverman Helps, or other such tactics, I just smiled and said "Yeah, I should do that".

But in the long run, I knew it wasn't going to be needed. In the long run, I knew that things would work out. It was a longer run than I had hoped, and more filled with drama and frustration than it needed to be... but things are working out. They delivered a beautiful scooter. Just lovely. To be honest, I'm thrilled with it.

Deep down, I knew that the owner of the shop - the guy who stayed late to fix my fuel line on Saturday night - really did want to have a happy customer in me. And as interest in my story, and the readership of this blog increased, I wanted very badly to be able to say that they delivered, and that I was a happy customer who would sing their praises to whoever would listen.

These last two weeks I've had exactly the service I knew they wanted to provide. That has made me very happy.

We're almost there. Just a few simple steps and we'll arrive at unequivocably happy. All it'll take is for me to be able to hold up the ownership slip from the MTO, and I will weep for joy.

Ok. Probably not weep. But I'll be pretty damn giddy.

Meanwhile, I'm still getting the questions. People ask, "Any word on the scooter?" and then make that wincy, expecting-bad-news face. No need, friends. Fist to the air, grinning from ear to ear, I've been able to say, "I got it! They came through!".
Feels great.

Too... much... irony...

President... urging...conservation...
Cannot... make... joke...

Bush urges gas conservation

President George W. Bush said on Monday that about 1.8 million barrels per day in Texas and Louisiana refining capacity shut by recent hurricanes will be back on line soon, but urged American motorists to conserve gasoline wherever possible.
The 1.8 million bpd refining capacity will return "relatively quickly because the storm missed a lot of refining capacity down the Texas coast," Bush said after meeting with Energy Secretary Sam Bodman and Interior Secretary Gale Norton.
Rita hit the Texas-Louisiana border on Saturday with winds of 120 miles per hour and dumped a foot of rain on the coastal region. Two large Port Arthur, Texas, refineries owned by Valero and Total were expected to remain offline for repairs for up to a month.
Bush also said he would continue suspension of antipollution laws for gasoline and the Jones Act shipping law to help oil shipments in the wake of the hurricane. Both actions were taken after Hurricane Katrina last month hit Gulf Coast refineries hard.
"We will continue the waivers to allow the winter blends to be used through the country," Bush said, referring to Environmental Protection Agency actions soon after last month's Hurricane Katrina. "We have instructed the EPA to ... keep the suspension in place, which should ... increase the supply."
Bush also repeated that he was prepared to loan crude oil to refineries from the government's emergency stockpile.
"We're willing to use the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to mitigate any shortfalls that affect our consumers," he said.
Bush, a former Texas oilman, also said that the back-to-back hurricanes show the need for more U.S. refining capacity to meet gasoline demand.
"The storms have shown how fragile the balance is of supply and demand in America," he said.
In the meantime, American consumers should try to conserve fuel when possible. Federal employees will be encouraged to carpool or use mass transit, Bush said.
"We can all pitch in by being better conservers of energy -- people need to recognize the storm has caused disruption," he said.

Hey, that stuff's expensive!

Had my first "problem" with the scoot today.

I went to work some overtime at the office, and when I came out to start up the scooter, I chatted for a bit with the rickshaw guys who solicit fares outside my office. I'd had talks with them before when I was riding the old scooter, answering their questions about "how fast", and "how old" and "how much" - they'd been protective of my scooter when a property manager was acting like a dick about it being parked there, just generally friendly, good guys.

While we were chatting, one of them noticed that there was a steady stream of gasoline pouring out of my engine. I tried closing the gas tap. No change, it just kept pouring out. A couple of them got down and stuck their heads under the engine to see where it was leaking.

Weird. I'd been riding for a while that morning with no trouble.

I knew the shop would be closing within minutes, so I had to haul ass. The guys wished me luck, and I did the requisite ass hauling. I could tell that the gas wasn't getting to the engine, I had the throttle wide open, and was getting a half hearted response.

As soon as I pulled up, there was the owner, with a couple of business associates. (They're going to be the exclusive Toronto distributor of Kymco scooters, so there was someone who I assume was a distributor of the new scoots there)
They all noticed the leak, right away. Hard to miss. The gas was flowing freely.

The owner went right to work, and quickly found a hose that had come loose. He grabbed a clamp, (while asking me to bear in mind that he's not a mechanic) and solved the problem easily enough.

While he worked, the other guys asked me about the scooter - how long had I had it?

"Just picked it up yesterday."

"Oh, so it's brand new to you. Is this your first scooter?"

"No, I had a smaller one before."

I smiled. I had not interest in laying out the whole story to these guys. The owner jumped in right away, though saying that this was an exchange.

I just said - "Yup! I traded up!"

Don't worry, man. I have no interest in making you look bad in front of your new business pals. Not my style. I gots me a whole other style.

Anyway, I probably forgot to say thank you. Cause sometimes, I'm a jerk. But I am grateful that the owner took the time to try and fix the problem himself. That was cool.

Guess what I rode home?

Yup! Its finally happened!

Ladies an Gentlemen, please give a round of applause to the guys at the shop, most specifically, the awesome Shelby who built a great scooter.

Right away, I was impressed by the cosmetic work - what can I say. Me likey shiny. They'd washed it, scrubbing away some lettering that I thought was under the paint - nope, gone! Great new bench seat, new floor mat, new locks.

Shelby walked me through some advice on how to break in newly rebuilt engine, and told me to bring it back in a bit to get the cables tightened, (they loosen up over time, as you drive). He was great. I asked about the rack I needed, and he said to come in on Tuesday - the guy who's on vacation would be able to find me something to work with my scooter.

And so, I took the scooter for a test spin, and fell in love. Compared to Dog (my old scooter) it's downright roomy. The sheer size and weight of it makes a difference. Huge. The throttle is a feather touch, and holy crap does it deliver. That extra 25cc really makes a difference as far as I can tell, especially considering poor Dog wasn't performing up to snuff. So the zip was something that, while I expected it, it still surprised me.

Paperwork? Not done. We're working on that on Monday. I'm going to write up something and email it to Ed so that all he has to do is cut, paste, print and sign it. Pie. At the same time, we'll set up my Safety Certificate appointment.

On the drive home, I noticed that the speedometer isn't working - so that'll have to be tweaked before the safety check.

But what a nice ride home.

Am I happy? Pretty close. I'll know for sure in a week, when all the paperwork is done, and I've had some time with the scooter.

Photos to come.

Its the Final Countdown

Holy crap, am I ever nervous. I'm inventing things in my head that could go dreadfully awry, "borrowing trouble", as it were.

I called and left a message this morning reminding them that I need:

1. A letter explaining that this transaction is an exchange, and that taxes were paid on the original scooter in 2004.
2. A Safety Certificate
3. A rear rack installed on the scooter, as previously discussed.

I know it was a pain in the ass move, but at this point, I don' t care if I am being a pain in the ass. Its about time someone else's ass hurt, cause this whole situation has been a huge pain in my ass, and I'm done with it.

I'm going to stop talking about asses now. (boooo)

You may well wonder, "What will Tab's existence become, once she has her scooter"? What annoying facet of life will sparkle and catch her magpie-eye? Oh. There's the tricky bit. It's like Inigo Montoya (you killed my father, prepare to die) after he'd killed the man with 6 fingers on his left hand... once he'd fulfilled his life mission to kill this man, what was left?

Well, it's implied that he went on to become the new Dread Pirate Roberts.

What's my point?

I've forgotten.

But the Princess Bride was a really good movie.

And I've still got butterflies in my stomach. I'm still not sure if it's nerves or excitement.

Ahem.

MY SCOOTER IS READY!!!

All done, and washed, and ready to go. Just waiting for the owner to get back with my license plate... I guess it went with my old scooter to storage.

Remember, in English class, there was a theme that related to how the weather reflected the emotions of the hero? Or countered the emotions of the hero? I forget which. What was that called again? Cause I think it's about to happen to me.

My scooter's ready, and its about to rain.

Ain't life hilarious?

Ah well. I'll get it tomorrow.

On borrowed time

In a gigantic leap of faith, I brought my helmet to work this morning. My hope is that I will be able to ride my scooter home.

I feel confident that the mechanical end of things will be ready. The administrative end of things? Well, that's my worry.

Where is my license plate?
Will they have the paperwork in order? I'm pretty sure I'll need some sort of a receipt to show at the Ministry of Transportation when I register the scooter, right? Ugh. I never should have offered to handle that part of things myself. I just suspected that things would get done faster if I did them myself. Now I'm envisioning multiple trips to the MTO, each time needing a different piece of paper that I wasn't given.

Apparently, my new hobby is looking for things to stress out over.

I can't help it this list is daunting...

A Buyer's Checklist:

Verify that the Vehicle Identification Number on the vehicle matches the Vehicle Identification Number on the vehicle permit. If it does not, please ensure that this is corrected prior to taking possession of the vehicle. For further information, please contact the ministry's Driver and Vehicle Licensing Call Centre at (416) 235-2999 or toll free (Canada Wide) 1-800-387-3445.

1. Vehicle permit with the Application for Transfer on the reverse of the vehicle portion of the permit fully completed
2. Bill of sale
3. Plate portion of the registration permit (if attaching your plate to vehicle)
4. Payment of Retail Sales Tax on the greater of the wholesale value (from UVIP) or purchase price from the bill of sale. Please note that for a passenger and light commercial vehicle (2200kg and under empty weight) 20 years or older, the Retail Sales Tax is payable on the greater one of the following:
   the purchase price
   the replacement value for insurance purposes, or
   the appraised value. An appraisal document or insurance document showing the value of the vehicle must accompany the bill of sale.
5. Used Vehicle Information Package (private sales only)
6. Proof of Insurance (if the vehicle is to be plated)
7. Odometer Information for passenger vehicles, light commercial vehicles (3000kg or less and for personal and business use only) and buses (non prorate. Heavy commercial vehicles, motorcycles, trailers, off-road vehicles, snowmobiles and mopeds are exempt from the odometer information requirement.
8. Payment of licensing / registration fees
9. Safety Standards Certificate (if the vehicle is to be registered as fit or plated.) (See "Safety Standards Certificate" below)
10. Vehicle emissions pass report (if vehicle is registered in Drive Clean program area)
11. Proof of identity for applicant who has never registered a plate or vehicle with this ministry

Well. I have insurance, but the serial number on the policy isn't going to match up with the serial number on the scooter, because I need to fax the ownership to my insurance people in order for them to switch the policy over. I assume that'll be ok.

Talked to the MTO, and they need a letter from the shop explaining that the new scoot is an exchange for the old scoot, and that the tax was paid at the time of the original sale (must find old receipt!)

Just spoke to the owner, who said he'd draw up the letter. I said I'd need it when I come in to pick up my ride.

And for the record? The mechanic is out test driving my scooter as we speak!

Say it with me...

ONE MORE DAY!!

I probably could have had it today. When I stopped by, the mechanic (who, by the looks of the current state of the scooter, has been working really hard) told me he had lost some time yesterday looking for a part (parts guy is in Ireland on vacation, lucky guy), but he showed me the new exhaust he'd put in, and showed me around the engine a bit.
Apparently, anything that looked just "ok" got replaced with a brand new part.
He confirmed that I wanted a full bench seat, thumbs up for that.

He asked if I wanted it tonight - but I just asked him if he needed another day with it. He said he would prefer to have a bit more time to finish up properly. Need more time? Cool, you've got it.

My license plate seems to have wandered off, could still be on the old scooter, which is apparently on it's way to their storage facility. So, they'll have to find that...

Whee.

Countdown

Today is supposed to be the day. I didn't hear from the mechanic yesterday or Friday saying that there were any problems, so I'm assuming that means things are on track.

Place your bets.

No really... only a few more days...

I was walking from the streetcar to work this morning, and I noticed a definate chill in the air. Fall is fast approaching, I realized, as a reddish leaf taunted me from the sidewalk yesterday. It's happened, I've missed almost the entire riding season. I'm trying to recall how deep into fall I rode last year. I know it was at least late October, early November. I may have even squeezed in a ride in early December. But it gets cold when you're whipping along at 60kph.
I'll have to make the best of the remainder of the season, and buy some warm riding gloves.

As I've written, the mechanic is hoping to have my scooter done this Wednesday. I'm trusting that. His having called me last week was a big, big deal to me.

Who knew that this journey would last over 425 days? (Well, if you ask any of my friends, they saw it coming!) How many times did I think that I was within a couple of days of riding? (Again, ask my friends, they knew how deep my denial ran!)

While this isn't a case of getting the last laugh, or saying "I told you so", I'm sure looking forward to at least being a little bit right at the end of all of this.

In my own inept way, I've held to my guns. I'll do better next time. I may even be able to shave a few months off my "resolution deadline".

My real Hero

My dad.

He works at an animal shelter/veterinary clinic in Jupiter, Florida. He doesn't own it, but he's the head vet there.

Now, my dad's a softie, which I inherited. He owned his own clinic here in Canada for a good part of my youth, and I can't tell you how many animals he saved, knowing full well he'd never see a red cent.
It got to the point where the local Humane Society would just bring critters to him, knowing he'd patch them up and find homes for them, or, in the case of the many wild animals they brought around, set them free.

Owls? Raccoons? Swans? A bat? Squirrels? A turtle? No problem. Take 'em to Dr. Wells.

I have to admit, it was a really fun upbringing. And there's nothing I loved more than feeding baby birds, and helping them learn to fly. It was always sad to see them go, but at the same time, so amazingly satisfying.

I loved working with my dad at the clinic. Loved it. If I could be doing that still, I would.
Getting to hang out with my dad all day, playing with the healthy animals, caring for the sick ones, and gently soothing the ones whose lives were ending as they fell asleep? Feels much better than shuffling paper and making sure money gets moved from one place to another.
I have a feeling that it wouldn't be the same if I were working for another vet. I know that a big part of it was my dad.

So I'm so proud that he's working somewhere that fits in with his kind nature, and not some upselling clinic, trying to turn a bigger profit this year...

Some volunteers from the clinic went up to the areas affected by Katrina, and brought back some four legged evacuees. Some are banged up, one is really sick, they had to put down a couple of cats who were FIV positive (kitty AIDS), but they're doing their best. The shelter is FULL thanks to the rescued critters, so they're really hopping.

If you want to help them out, their website is http://safeharbor.jupiterdaily.com/pages/Home
They're doing good things.

My hero

The mechanic who's putting my scooter together, just left a message for me. He called to tell me that the engine is pretty much together now, but he doesn't think he'll be able to have it for me by tomorrow.

That's ok.

Know why?

Cause he CALLED and gave me a progress report. I love progress reports.

He's working on it, he wants some time with the chassis, he wants to try it out next Tuesday and then let it sit overnight to make sure it's all ok. He figures he should be done by Wednesday night. Fine by me. After all, I did tell him I wanted him to take his time with the build, and do it the way he'd do his own bike.

This is a promising turn of events, and I'm very pleased that I got a phone call telling me what's going on.

No news is scary news

I have no news about my scooter today. I worked too late to stop in at the shop, and I didn't get a call from the mechanic who said he'd call me if any problems or surprises came up.

So, either things are moving forward, or the guy didn't have the heart to call. Or.

I got a "we got your complaint" response from the Ministry of Government Services (that doesn't like a real thing), and it's been forwarded on to the Marketplace Standards and Services Branch, so we're plodding forward there.

I can already hear Goodhue, "Let's go give 'em hell"! A few of us had a girl's night at the Vegetarian Food Fair down at Harbourfront last weekend - lots of samples, lots of disturbing videos of animal abuse, and then lots of booze at the Rivoli. Boozy girls ranting about love, relationships and scooter-woes? Waiter! Another round of cosmos! Love it.

While at the food fair, I bought a half pound of green coffee beans (organic, fair trade, natch). Why green? Cause I'm crazy. Christy bought a half pound of fresh roasted beans, and I, to be a smart ass, said", "Well, I'd like the green beans! I'd like to roast them myself at home."

Well.

The coffee bean guys were thrilled. Ohhhh, did I ever hear a lot about the politics of the coffee industry. Did you know that coffee retains its peak flavour for only 5 days after roasting? And the coffee makers don't date their coffee, so you have no idea WHEN it was roasted. The coffee industry is sticking it to you, bitches! And don't even think freezing it does anything. Because it doesn't. You're only fooling yourself.
Meanwhile, green coffee beans can sit on the shelf for three YEARS.

If I want to spend $330, I can buy 27 pounds of coffee (I can take it in installments), and I'll get a free roaster. No, not a Kenny Roger's chicken. An actual machine that roasts your coffee. I guess just roasting it in the oven is ok for dabblers like myself. But if I want to get serious about my coffee, it's all about the home roaster.

I don't know how serious I want to be about my coffee. I mean, the guys in the booth were sweet, and all, but I don't know if I'm ready to be a total coffee zealot yet. I've still got some good "not a crazy cat lady" years left in me. I can't succumb to the weird coffee fixation at this point in my life. Maybe in ten years.

Roasting the beans in the oven was enough of a novelty for me. I never knew they'd jump around and pop. And the smell? It started out a little funky, but eventually it smelled like something good baking. I will mention that the smoke detector went off, but that's par for the course when it comes to me and the oven. I am my mother's daughter, after all.

The end result? Well, I think I burned them just a little bit, the first sip tasted a bit burnt, but after the initial burn flavour, it was smooth, and rich. I swirled it around in my mouth like wine. Or at least how I think I'd savour wine if I had any idea what I was doing. Really good flavour. I don't know if I'd roast daily, but I think it's great for weekends at home, curled up on the couch. I look forward to the chilly fall days (what? I like fall, sue me.) comfy sweater, home roasted coffee, Scooter Bing Bong curled up at my feet and some quiet peace. Otherwise known as peace and quiet. That's a lot to ask of a cup of coffee.

Not to change gears too quickly, but is it nerdy to admit that I'm digging "So you think you can dance?". I think it, and Rockstar: INXS are our generations Lawrence Welk show, just amped up to include competition. And Dave Navarro is Lawrence Welk.

The money's flowing in

I got one of those Nigerian "help me move my money" emails the other day, and today I got an two emails announcing that I'd won over 900 thousand pounds in a European lottery.

I'm going to be so rich!

On a related note.

I'm tired

I've contacted the Ministry of Government Services and lodged a complaint under The Consumer Protection Act.

I'm tired of being patient.
I'm tired of being fed excuses.
I'm tired of "hoping" that the owner will honour his word, and our contract.
I'm tired of giving him far more consideration than he's giving me.
I'm tired of being taken advantage of.

I wasn't going to lodge a complaint, but this last turn of events pushed my perception from, "nice guy, doing his best" to "guy who intentionally screwed me over for his own gain".

After all the time I've given him to make it right, after all the benefit of the doubt I've extended him? It's bullshit.

And I'm tired of the bullshit.

I'm hoping that the mechanic will get things done this week. I know he's stuck in the middle, and I did say that I didn't want him to rush the job, and I don't, that's not what this is about. It's not his fault, and I get that. But at some point I've got to draw a line, or this will never be over.

Hopefully by the time the ministry contacts me/them, we can both say "false alarm, it's all taken care of". That would be ideal.

Thanks to all the good friends who encouraged me to stop putting up with the shit.

Seperated at birth?

Just a little something I noticed this week.

Lt. Gen. Russell L. Honoré

and...

Cab Calloway

It's spooky!

My running total

I thought just for fun, I'd add up what I've spent on insurance and alternative modes of transportation while I've been waiting for my scooter.

• Insurance from May to July = $231
• Insurance from July to September = $150
• TTC fares to work May – September = $200
• TTC fares; other May – September = $160
• Cabs: = $128

• TOTAL = $869

That's a conservative estimate. Sick, huh?

Guess what I don't have?

Go on... guess.

You'll never imagine.

Ok, I'll tell you.

My scooter. I don't have my scooter.

I saw it, gutted. I showed up at the shop, and one of the mechanics was there. He asked if the owner had called me.

Um. Nope.

"So you haven't heard the latest excuse."

Shit.

"The engine the other mechanic was building for your scooter is done. It's just in that scooter over there."

I see.

"There was an emergency job, this scooter has to be out in BC this weekend for the CBC, there's a contract..." (aren't they on strike?)

Uh huh. My head is exploding. I'm not going to shoot the messenger, it's obviously not his fault. But to say I'm pissed is an understatement. What about me? What about the fact that I've been waiting a long fucking time? What about the fact that I was told I'd be riding by today? What about my contract?

"The Owner said he was going to talk to you, that you'd be ok with it."

Well, guess what? He didn't, and I'm really NOT ok with it. Not in the least. I ask him, laughing, if the owner really thought that I'd be ok with him taking the engine I'd been waiting for - my engine - and delaying the delivery of my scooter by at least another week. I really have a hard time wrapping my head around what part of that the owner thought I would be "ok" with. What, I've already waited a year, been told numerous deadlines that meant nothing, and I'd be "ok"with it happening again?

Unbe-fucking-lievable.

The owner shows up while I'm talking to the mechanic, and starts saying something about a crankshaft. The mechanic stops him, saying he's already filled me in, and progresses to explain to me that he's going to get another job out of the way on Tuesday, and then start on my scooter as soon as that's done.

I ask him how long a job like that should take, generally speaking. Not that I'm asking for another meaningless date, just an idea of how long he thinks it should be. Assuming everything goes ok, he thinks he should have me riding by Friday. He's going to work on my bike, and my bike only. I turn to the owner, "you're going to leave him alone to work on my bike, right?"

Oh yes, of course Nothing will interefere. I want to believe. But then I wanted to believe that "this wasn't how they do business", too. More of the same, for me.

I tell the mechanic that I don't want him to feel like he has to rush, I want him to take his time and do it right. I want him to build this bike the way he'd build his own. He's good with that. He says to call him on Friday. I ask him to call me if any surprises come up, so that I know what's going on. Either way, I'll be stopping in early next week. While I don't want to rush the mechanic, I'm so fucking done with this. The mechanic says he's going to put some brand new rims on for me. Nice, thanks. The owner says something about adding some "nice"things to the scooter for me. Yeah. Make it nice, thanks. Honestly, just honouring your word is the only thing I want right now.

It has to be either a scooter on Friday, or my money back, plus the hundred bucks it'll cost me to cancel the insurance I renewed back in July when I thought I was getting my scooter soon. I'm tired of it.

And those are the facts. I can't help how it makes people look. It's what happened. I guess the difference between my contract with the shop and the CBC's contract with them, is that the owner seems to think I won't sue them.

Zero hour

I'll be going by the shop in a little while. I'm scared and excited, kind of like waiting in line for a roller coaster. Will it be good? Will it be painless? Will I throw up?

Christy drove by the shop this morning on her way back home from an audition, and she called me to say that there was a black scooter out front, with a license plate and a seat on it. I don't want to get my hopes up, it could have been anyone's scooter.

But what if it's mine?

Ohhhhh.... that first hill's gonna be a doozy.

Holy crap, tomorrow's Friday

I just realized that tomorrow is supposed to be the day I pick up my scooter.

Would it be hubris to bring my helmet to work in case I need it to ride my scooter home?

I am "published".

A while back, I posted a version of "The Aristocrats" joke, the way I thought Bob Newhart would have told it.

A friend encouraged me to submit it to http://www.mcsweeneys.net/ , and so I thought, what could it hurt?

Didnt' hurt a bit. Go to the site, and enjoy!

(I know, I know... Its just a website. Let me have this one, ok?)

Now, knowing my internet-luck, Bob Newhart or his people will see it, and not find it so funny.

Gettin' through it

Ok. The time for fetal positioning and panicking is over.

I've decisively decided which direction I'm chosing for the Short Play Festival, and last night I spent three hours going over the script as it stands. I've got some trimming to do, obviously, but it's a better position than having scary blank pages.

That being said, I'd still like to revisit the other show I was working on some day. I really did like the synopsis, but to be fair to it, I think I'd need more than 45 minutes to explore the story. And more than a couple of weeks to write it.

So now, I have to finish editing and sculpting out the framework for the show, find a director, create promo material, write a press release, and rehearse this thing. I've got offers of help for a lot of stuff, and I feel very fortunate that I have talented people in my life who are willing to lend a hand when I need it. It's a really good feeling.

It's also really lovely to be told "I believe in you", when you're swimming in self doubt. I should really never take that kind of support for granted, ever again. When I'm told that, it gives me a shake, helps me to recall, "Oh, shit. Yeah, I CAN do this. Now quit being a pussy and get to it!"

Tighten down the storyline! More funny! Find a throughline, create a cohesive theme! Hoist those bales, tote that barge!

I'll be fine.

Seriously though, almost done...

The official word on my scooter is that I "should have it by Friday".
I chuckled and reminded the shop owner that he'd told me that last week, and that it's not fair to get my hopes up. To be honest, that's what pissed me off most about the old manager. "You're next." "We're starting on it soon." "We're starting on it tomorrow." None of which turned out to be true. That shit really eats at me.

He double checked with the mechanics. Yup, seriously. By Friday.

Okey doke. You heard it here first, folks. Seriously and for realisies, they'll be done on Friday.

Not like last time.

Ain't I a little stinker?

412 days.

So this is what if feels like to be overwhelmed

It's been a while.

I'm seriously considering pulling out of the Short Play festival. I had intended to write this weekend, but instead, spent the better part of the weekend on the couch watching CNN and wishing there was something I could do. An excuse, I admit it.

But at the moment, the fact that I have NOTHING but a brief synopsis written is making me a bit panicky. I know a 45 minute, one act play isn't that much to write, but right now it seems like an insurmountable task. They always say the first step is the hardest, well I think I've tied my shoe laces together, and then poured some quick-dry cement around my feet.

And I really like my synopsis.

But then I sit down to write, and my brain starts travelling in eight million different directions.

Like: Holy shit, am I ever busy at work. Overnight, my workload increased about 90 - 100%, thanks to competative hires from other investement firms, and thier assistants not being terribly detail oriented.

Like: Do I book our December flights to Orlando now, or do I keep waiting, hoping Southwest Ding fares do right by me?

Like: Holy crap. I'm the new director of the Bad Dog Theatre's House Cast. And as the director, the new Artisitc Director (Hi Marcel!) wants us (myself and my lovely Assistant Director, Dave Pearce) to create a new Long Form, unique to the theatre. So there's meetings for that, and then at least bi-weekly rehearsals with the new cast. Then notes after the weekly show.

Like: Whee! We're opening the new Neutrino Toronto show this month, which is going to run monthly at the Drake Hotel. We've been rehearsing weekly for this, but I don't know if the rehearsals will continue to be weekly after we open. Either way, it's been a really fun rehearsal period, and I'm really excited about finally getting to do it for people.

Like: Hooray! Slap Happy has a bunch of corporate gigs lined up (cha-ching!) over the next couple of months, plus our regular monthly show.

Like: Oh my god, is Anderson Cooper actually about to cry?

Like: Jesus, those poor people. How can the agencies in place to help in a time of crisis, have failed them so badly?

Like: For the love of god, just let the person take their dogs with them! It's hard enough to lose everything you own, but to have to leave a loved family member behind to die? It's emotionally abusive. They have nothing. Nothing. Let them take their pet. At least people are trying to help the animals, too. As the daughter of a veterinarian, who grew up working in her dad's clinic, I have an exceptionally soft spot for animals, and to see the footage of dogs chained to porches, or balancing on floating debris, scared and hungry... well it makes me hug Scooter really tight. Scooter's gotten lots of hugs this week.

My brain hurts. I have to do some thinking about schedules and commitments. If I'm really going to go ahead with the Short Play Festival, I've got some major work ahead.

Almost there... (stay on target)

After a fine brunch with friends, this brunchy-morn, there was the compulsory visit to check the progress of my scooter.

We're getting there.

The crankshaft has arrived.

The engine is being put back together (I saw it on the bench with my own eyes).

We're getting there.

I am supposed to check with them on Tuesday. Not to be facetious, but I won't be holding my breath, expecting to ride it out. I've gone down that road one too many times. I know I'm getting it soon, I'll get excited when I'm burning rubber.

Tired.

Hey, nice of you to show up!

Hi George!

How ya been? How was your vacation? Good? Yeah, I hear that some lady was camped out near your ranch wanting to talk to you about her dead son. Crazy bat. I mean, you can't take the time to talk to her, cause if you did, you'd have to talk to the mothers of ALL the dead soldiers, and who has time for that, am I right?

Yeah, good times.

But other than that, good? Yeah, I saw you rode your bike around with Lance Armstrong. That had to be pretty cool. I think he's bionic. Seriously, I think they took out the ball and added some extra powers. Pretty fair trade. He's friends with John Kerry, but he came to ride bikes with you anyway. That's pretty nice.

Well, listen. I'm not sure if you've heard about it, but there was a pretty bad hurricane down in the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah... pretty nasty. Worst storm in American history, they're calling it.

I know your vacation time is important to you, after all, you take a lot of it, but I'm just wondering if maybe you shouldn't have done more than watch a couple of storm reports when the hurricane was inching it's way towards New Orleans. I know you were briefed about it, I saw a picture of you with a weather report in the background, and you were being handed a piece of paper that probably outlined the devastating capability of the storm. Or maybe it was just a menu.

I'm just wondering if maybe you could have given orders to set some evacuation teams in action, you know to evacuate the people who didn't have the means to evacuate themselves? Surely you could have made a phone call to FEMA to make sure they were mobilizing teams to get closer to the area, ready to air drop food and water to the people trapped in town. Maybe act like a leader in a time of crisis.

I know you're not much of a pre-planning type of guy, you're more of a reactor. But unfortunately, you can't bomb the weather.

Your cronies can bark all they want about it being 'reprehensable to politicize this disaster', but the fact remains that your party is the one in charge. You've cut funding to the systems in place to protect New Orleans, you've bowed out of Kyoto and we've (theoretically) seen global warming affect the weather, creating more intense storms than we've seen before, and the people you've put in charge of dealing with these kinds of disasters seem to be incapable of dealing with this disaster.

Utter incompetance, and it's got nothing to do with Elephants and Donkeys.

And do me a favour. Travel back in time and eat your words. America can "stand on her own two feet", as a response to foreign aid? Are you retarded? "The federal government will do it's part but Americans and local businesses need to step up too"? Seriously, you're retarded, right? The American people started helping immediately. Where were your guys?

Oh yeah, they were five days late.

You looked really folksy with your arms around the weeping women, talking about having lost everything. Yup, things are going to get organized, and food will be distributed, and people will get moved out.

Five days late. I know, it wouldn't have been safe for you to go in earlier. There were reports of roving gangs, and snipers, and looting. Very dangerous. Too dangerous for the President. Too dangerous for aid workers. Apparently plenty safe for the thousands of innocent citizens who were waiting for help.

Well, I sure hope you had a good time in Texas, and chumming around with your financiers at that business dinner while people were dying. Don't want to let your supporters down, huh?

And be sure to let Condi know that the people of New Orleans probably appreciate the Secretary of State cutting short her New York vacation by a couple of days. I know Broadway tickets can be really hard to come by.

So people are dancing around the class issue, and kid-gloving the race issue. Well, except for Kanye West: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9177352/

What do you think, George? I mean, someone had to say it. We were all thinking it.

So which is it? Classist and racist, or utterly incompetant?

Take your time with that. Apparently, it's what you need.