Challenging my own Stangnancy

You know how sometimes you can look forward to something to lift you out of a rut, and dread it at the same time?

My rut is nice and comfy. I get to do the occasional show with Slap Happy or Bad Dog shows, I get to go to work and complain about how much I dislike my job, all while enjoying the benefits of... well... benefits and paid vacation. I get to mentally mope about how "if only I had the time, I'd be writing more".

This darn Day Job! Keeping my from my Destiny.

Yeah, I'm actually a lazy fuck.

The truth is, and I think this is true of a lot of creative types, I'm making excuses because there's the very real possibility that whatever I put on paper might suckity suckarooni. And I'd have worked to create something suck-tastic. At least with improv, if something sucks, you can just shrug and excuse it as something that "just happened". You didn't spend months at a computer to generate ass-a-riffic theatre.

I'm retarded. I've written things that don't suck. I'm not stupid (again, mildly retarded, but not stupid). So you may ask why I am letting laziness and fear keep me from pursuing things?

Back off, jack. You don't know.

Ok, sorry.

It's baby steps. I kept on 25 lbs that I didn't need to give me an excuse why I wasn't being seen or cast in anything. (No-one will cast a chubby girl, its not reflective of my talent.) Well, I came to the conclusion that that was a stupid thing to do, career-wise, health-wise, and self esteem-wise. I decided not to give people excuses to count me out anymore. Cue the Oprah music.

So where am I going with this unusually revealing entry?

Well, I think I'm gonna put an entry in for this:



Bad Dog Theatre Short Play Festival

It's at the end of October, so if I get in, I've got to write something pretty damn fast. Then cast it. Then rehearse it. Then promote it. Then fight the panic while I wait for the review. All I need now is a title to get the entry in.

Just need to write a few words down as a title. Or a single word. Or exciting punctuation.

uhhhhh....

Crap. This is going to be a long couple of months.